Friday – July 17, 2020

shoes
socks
underwear
groceries
college
paint

Here’s how the Rubin Family spent our CoViD-19 stimulus funds…

I wanted to share this (fairly personal bit of information) with my readers for a few reasons…

• With readers of this blog in “over 200 countries” (per Google Analytics), I thought it might be fascinating (or at least a curiosity) for some of you who are outside of the United States to see how a real family “benefitted” from the help from our government this Spring (in response to the economic crisis caused by the CoViD-19 pandemic.)
• For “IRL” friends who also read my blog (and there are a lot of you here!), I wrote this (in part) to let you know that my family is finally doing ok for a change (“We’ll get by!” & “Hey look – to prove this to you (as an example): I had enough money all at once (for a change) to buy all four of the kids new shoes at the same time AND cover some groceries!”). I know many of you have worried about us, especially with the multi-layered crisis caused by the persecution of my advocacy work over the past 4+ years, and I wanted you to know things are finally headed in the direction towards “ok”. In addition to all the things we have been able to take care of for our family recently, my civil rights lawsuit against the State of Oregon is working its way through the federal courts & I’m also finally working towards repaying everyone who has helped us along the way! Who knows — I may even finally finish my book sometime soon!
• For those here with us in the United States – in the same situation (low enough income that you qualified for a CoViD-19 stimulus payment) – I thought it might help to express solidarity in some way to share with you how we spent our stimulus funds, as I am sure many of my readers spent their stimulus check on similar essentials (including essentials that had been put off for a while… like groceries, dental work and shoes for their children).
• Finally, I wanted to share this list with you because each of the things we chose to do with our stimulus check was held (for us) in the context of our children’s Lead poisoning, as are nearly all of our choices we make every day in our life, and I thought some of those considerations may be of interest to my readers.
• Oh – and I almost forgot – my readers seem to have a voracious appetite for knowing the types of products I buy for my family (so there are some Amazon links in this post too!)

Note: the things we bought (or paid for) were all things that were already on “the list ” (things that were supposed to be covered with my normal income – before my income tanked as a result of CoViD-19)… so our list is really just “the basics” — but it includes some fairly basic things we have not been able to really afford for a while, and things we would definitely not have been able to cover at this juncture without the stimulus check!

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#1.) shoes for the whole family

In our family, for most of the last ten years or so, with six people (all of whom have very specific sensory issues, medical issues and other complicating factors when it comes to buying shoes), buying new shoes is normally quite an expensive proposition! As a result, my children typically have just one pair of shoes at a time.

Things are also complicated because they are growing boys (growing out of shoes very quickly), and are also all very…er…”demanding” of their shoes (from lots of walking, running, climbing and hiking to much crazier shoe treatment — like frequent throwing of shoes – up into trees and roofs, and down into sand, mud, rivers and creeks!) On top of that, we can normally count on Charlie to just lose (randomly “misplace” – sometimes thousands of miles away from home) at least one pair of shoes every 6 months or so. I really cannot tell you how many times he has inexplicably come home without shoes from a trip (from a day-trip to a cross-country trip, to a trip to National Park (Joshua Tree) — to a trip to Denmark… he has literally left shoes behind ALL OVER THE WORLD!)

This summer we had a magical moment in time coinciding with when the CoViD-19 stimulus check came in… At that particular moment, all of my boys – plus my husband – wore about the same size shoes for the first time ever.  So – back in May – all of the boys needed new shoes and we were in a very unusual position of being able to afford new shoes for everyone at the same time (and it was extra affordable – from an “emotional toll” perspective – in that they can all wear each other’s shoes if they need to in a pinch!) 

I bought A.J., Avi, Len, and Colescott new Birkenstock sandals that (with periodic re-soleing) should last them for a decade or more (as mine have.) I got Charlie a pair of the inexpensive ones (which was a smart move, because he’s already grown out of them just two months later!). I also bought an additional cheap pair “for the house” – that everyone can use, to try to stave off the “YOU STOLE MY SHOES!”-predicated arguments (so when someone needs to run out to the garage (or the bakery, or the library, or whatever) and cannot find their own shoes, they can take the “extra” pair instead.)

Next round (if there is another stimulus check or some other alternate financial “Deus ex Machina“!), they will each get sneakers [showing my age here; what are we calling them these days — “running shoes”? “tennis shoes”? “Just Do It” footwear?”] At which point they will each have two pair of shoes at the same time (practically unheard of over here!)

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#2.) socks for the whole family

In Birkenstocks, Dad is a 42, and mom is a 41; Avi, A.J., Colescott, and Charlie currently all wear size 43 [Charlie is really closer to a 44 now tho!].  With all these big feet in the family, they seem to go through socks like crazy. We live in Oregon and it’s often somewhat wet and cold (relative to traditional “sandal climes”) – so it’s important to have good wool socks, too! [Nothing goes better with Birkenstocks than colorful wool socks! Am I right?!]

When I buy socks I try to buy as many of the same brand and model of socks as I can afford at the same time (and also try to color code them by child, so while they each COULD easily wear each other’s socks, they know which ones are “theirs”.) This means buying 6 or 8 pairs of the same socks at the same time for each kid + Dad + me [so they also shrink / stretch (with use and laundering), and wear at the same rate, too].

We are RARELY able to do this – it’s a huge luxury for us, given our financial situation in recent years – and seem to normally only be in a position to afford a couple of pairs of new socks at a time per person. (Remember that we are also faced with challenges related to sensory issues and thus critical/expanded “fit ” and “feel” issues — which are more annoying than perhaps ever faced by parents of “neurotypical” kids!) This also means that when we find something that works we want to invest in as much of that thing as we can afford! So… thanks to the stimulus check, I was able to get 12 pairs of green socks (to be shared by Dad and Avi); 6 pairs of brown socks for A.J.; and 6 pairs of gray socks (in the giant man-size) for my youngest son Charlie — so we have not had a sock shortage for months. I cannot tell you how much a simple thing like this saves me from headaches. I don’t know how many pairs of matching socks YOUR kids have – but I think things would work well if our kids each had TWELVE pairs of the same socks. [Again – on the list for the next windfall if and when it lands!]

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#3.) New underwear for all the boys!

Rinse and repeat the same argument (as socks) for underwear – my three older boys also all wear the same size and type – so we are super-flush with underwear right now (for the first time ever too!) The older boys really like the cotton boxers from Lucky Brand pictured above. We stumbled on those (as the SPD undies of choice) years ago after trying dozens of different styles to address their sensory issues over the years, and we always keep our eyes out for sales on those. Our youngest son, Charlie – however – loves these brightly colored ones for men, they come in pink, yellow, and blue (and other colors too!) – he just wishes they also had ponies on them (& sequins!) 

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#4.) groceries

Our family is immune-compromised (each of us has one health issue or another, with the exception being our eldest son!) So purchasing groceries online and having them delivered, and being able to stock up on canned goods and other non-perishables has been critical for us during the time in order to stay safe. The stimulus checks made it possible for us to cover at least a few bags of groceries we would otherwise not been able to cover! I used the opportunity to stock up on staples like organic coconut milk, organic pineapple, organic canned mushrooms, organic soy milk and more.

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#5. college

My older son (my second son) was able to use a portion of the stimulus money our family received to cover his deposit to secure his space in college in the Fall – for Berklee College of Music in Boston!  Without the stimulus check at this time, we otherwise would not have had the money for this critical expense. [He has been awarded a very generous full-tuition scholarship, but with fees and housing (including this required deposit) there are many expenses not covered in the “tuition” part of things] This is just one more reason we have sometimes felt like the most fortunate family in the world during what is otherwise an incredibly difficult time for so many people!

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And finally….

#6.) paint!!!!

We finally painted our house! It’s been half-primed (above pic) for nearly a year (since we paid a guy a deposit to paint it and he walked away having never finished the job!)

After much consideration, we decided to paint it plain white, as a “blank canvas” so that we could drench it in colors – with new murals painted by our family and friends who come to visit (while masked & observing social distancing, of course!) over these otherwise isolated months. In recent years I have always had some sort of mural on at least one panel of the house but we decided to “go BIG” this year, and the best way to do that was to start with a white background for anything else we plan on doing.

This is the same house we have lived in for 13+ years now (we moved in here 13 years ago, in April.) We’ve never painted our home in all those years (since we bought it) — because the last time I painted my house [our previous house], 15 years ago – in August of 2005 – my kids were acutely Lead-poisoned. Apparently, I have severe PTSD around the idea of painting my house – and I did not realize this until this project got under way…

Leading up to this moment (and through the few days during which the base coat was being applied), I experienced an unprecedented level of anxiety. This was unexpected for me – as I thought (on an intellectual level at least) that I (of all people!) had come to terms with the fact that my kids were acutely poisoned (from the last time we painted our home) and that I know how to do things right (when it comes to painting an old house) and so should not worry at all… but I guess NOT (“NOT” just about the “not worrying” part, not about the “knowing how to do things right part”!)

In order to not have to deal with any Lead concerns – this time around we opted for a simple re-paint with almost no prep and no repairs of the siding. The siding on the outside of our house is Lead-free siding – that was applied on top of the original Lead-painted siding by the previous owner back in the 1980s. Even though our current siding is Lead-free, just knowing there is Lead-painted siding underneath (along with just a few remaining small spots of Lead-painted trim here and there — that we carefully avoided disturbing) has been an incredibly triggering / traumatic experience for me (anxiety at a level I really cannot express). 

Painting the house — after 13 years of not painting the house (or possibly more, since we don’t know if the previous owners ever painted it, either) HAD to happen, because the house is (quite literally) falling apart in some places at this point! We’re also taking this CoViD-19 “stay-cation” to address deferred issues inside and out – including sprucing up our home wherever we can (my husband is a genius and has mad skills in teaching himself how to do repairs & A.J. has been incredibly helpful too!) – so we can hopefully rent it out for some of the summer (and possibly into the fall) – link here in case you want to rent our house – or know someone who might! – to help cover the cost of my cross country trip with the boys — so painting was indicated for several reasons (since we don’t yet have $ to tear it down*! lol)

*When we bought this home in 2007, we thought of it as “a tear-down”… it needs a new roof and it needs a foundation [it doesn’t have an actual foundation – just a faux / partial permitter foundation] – and everything in-between! Instead of tearing it down and building something more sensible (as originally planned), we’ve had to put all our money (and so much money loaned and gifted by friends!) in to our legal battle (link here if you are new to my website)… so tearing it down someday, and starting over is still on the agenda … maybe when the legal battle is over. 

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The photos below are a little progression of the painting in progress –
including the murals, which are still in progress!

How did you spend your stimulus check?

If you care to share, please post a comment in the “comments section” of this post. Perhaps your story will inspire someone in some way (or entertain them?)

As always, thanks for being here and thank you for reading and for sharing my posts.

Tamara Rubin
#LeadSafeMama

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