One mother’s journey with Lead-exposure concerns and OCD

Published: Monday – December 27, 2021

I recently met with a mama who is active in the Lead Safe Mama social media community (whom I had gotten to know a bit online, and have had the pleasure of visiting with in person several times!). Throughout our conversations that day, she shared with me her perspective on being a person with OCD, who is navigating the concern of Lead exposure (a subject that can be triggering enough even for folks who don’t have OCD!) — and she reiterated something she has said to me before, that she is grateful for the work of Lead Safe Mama, LLC as it “actually helps her manage her OCD — by putting things in perspective, and providing necessary context.“ 

I asked her if she would consider writing a guest article about this to share with other Lead Safe Mama readers because I felt it would be really helpful — especially for others out there who may be new to this (already-confronting) conversation, who may be learning about the dangers of Lead exposure with the additional existing burden of OCD (and/or other anxiety disorders).

Here’s her note (she wishes to remain anonymous; to respect her privacy, if you have questions or comments for her, please comment on this article — and I will make sure she sees the comments, and I will share any answers or responses she might have, as well):

A note from a mama living with OCD & Lead concerns:

I would like to share a little about my intense struggle with OCD and Lead. This is a note for people who are suffering right now, paralyzed by fears of Lead exposure – from actual Leaded items, or theoretical contamination. It’s also a note to people trying to help someone struggling with it.

Everyone’s approach to handling their OCD is going to be different…but the particular difficulties about Lead are:

• how insidious it is (“crap! — it’s in all sorts of stuff, and all over my house!”)
• how hazardous it really can be (my kid could be ok — but also could become nonverbal — whaaa!)
• the invisible dust factor (I’ll never know how far the dust may have gone [or if there was any dust])
• the learning curve to be able to distinguish/understand what is “a chalking/dusting/real hazard” vs.”not an immediate concern” can be a long one — and requires subjective thoughtfulness to your particular circumstances (e.g. how old/mature are your kids; are they developmentally at grade level?, are they “mouthy”, etc.?)
• understanding the relevant context – that a high-exposure risk for one family might be a very–low-exposure risk to another.

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Background on my particular situation…

In my case, we had confirmed exposure and poisoning. My kids developed very mouthy behavior — sucking on their fingers, and basically anything is up for biting, licking, etc. We cleaned, and handled it well — action plan created and executed…and we survived.

 

Then there was a second event involving another real, serious hazard — but completely out of my control [our landlord was an asshole!]…and I was pregnant at the time! While we got lucky that time (we got our children tested, and they did not test positive for Lead in their blood at that time), the TWO incidents combined really sent my OCD into high gear! 

 

We moved out. From then on, I started to “spiral” frequently — I went into a period of not letting my kids handle anything; never let them be barefoot; I shut down our whole kitchen for a month; I wiped everything – anything entering the home had to be stored/screened/cleaned, and ok’d…basically, I went nuts for months. Back then, I really did not have any practical coping/solutions in place.

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A year later, I got a consultation with Tamara — to help put shit into perspective…

She was a life-saver! Here was an expert and thoughtful person, telling me that many of my suspicions were not laughable — they could be legit…but I was handling it poorly. I just needed some perspective, and tools for objectively categorizing things – possible exposure hazards – in my family’s environment — assessing their true significance along a rational gradient of risk.

Joining the Lead Safe Mama Facebook group AFTER these episodes gave me dependable information – and that knowledge was really empowering, and gave me some tools I could apply to all the circumstances that arise:

• “shit, my husband brought inside that super-old extension cord from a garage sale and put it by the kids bookshelf, and then one kid touched it”… okay – just wash her hands; mop up that little spot of floor; and tell hubs that that thing is sketchy, and not something we want to keep — no one ate it, and it’s gone; move on!
• “OMG — I think my dryer just tested ‘positive‘!” (using a reactive-agent home Lead test) … Aha — I am reading here on the [website] that this was likely a “false positive“, given the type of test, and considering my dryer’s recent date of manufacturer! [I seriously had a cloth-diapered child — and had stopped using that dryer for a month (during the rainy season); my family was going to send me away!]

Generally, I can now troubleshoot most of these things without freaking out — by consulting the extensive searchable archive of test results and articles on this website, and the comments in the Lead Safe Mama Facebook group. 

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“Moving on”/over the hump…

At some point I had learned enough that I now feel like I am able to see the reasonable response and help myself act in a measured way…not just get triggered and spiral out (seeing all the associations and then become fearful and paralyzed).

You have to identify your tolerance for Lead-exposure risk (what’s a risk to your family). I definitely ask questions still, and care if there’s Lead in anything, because I don’t want to support companies that use Lead or purchase anything with Lead — not necessarily because I think having a low-lead aluminum chair base is going to be a thing to raise my kids’ BLL. [But also, in my case, my kids lick everything and often spend time playing under chairs…so why not avoid it, if I have that choice?] 

Yes, I know about more random things that could have Lead because of the group — and I am grateful for that! Now I know that antique stove I coveted is not a great choice to have in my home and use in our kitchen! But what about all the things which have not yet been tested, but I am suspicious of? Well, to help navigate the unknowns, arm yourself with some key knowledge:

• Test your kid for a baseline BLL if you haven’t. Testing to establish a baseline for their recorded health history is definitely not “OCD behavior” [on the other hand, say, testing often (more than annually) – in the absence of any specific suspected exposure – would be].
• The articles here about risks and precautions around renovations; where and how to look for possible Lead hazards in older homes, schools, daycares, and other buildings; renting an older home; cleaning up Lead; and inadvertent exposures in daily life [e.g. fireworks!], are superb tools.
• Also, if you have the ability to properly test a few of the high risk things in your home (interior & exterior paint; soil; water; dust wipe-sampling for Lead in your house dust in an older home), that goes a long way towards knowing if you may have active hazards. 

Getting some key information when you have OCD can make all the difference. Once you confirm there are no active hazards in your home (and once you know your kid(s)’s BLL is “non-detect”) then you have spaaaaaaace to thoughtfully learn more and make action plans for dealing with any potential exposure in the future; and hopefully the space grow and learn more without the fear that your child is being poisoned right now. Work on gathering data/information. Gathering information helps me not ruminate and quadruple-guess my every action or every possession.

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Supporting ppl with this:

I would also add that for folks like myself – armed with a reasonable amount of accurate knowledge on the subject – the act of consciously dismissing some (perhaps irrational or overblown / OCD-fueled) concerns as “just my OCD”, and working to learn to simply ignore those “concerns” (unwarranted/unhealthy rumination) might be ok — but that is only because I have reached a high point on the learning curve. I am able to make the distinction between facts and fear, knowing that my husband and I have done our homework, and don’t have any active hazards in our home…

…HOWEVER if a person suffering from OCD is new to learning about the concern for Lead, and has not gotten there yet (to where I am – more than two years into this educational journey), then it feels irresponsible for others (especially others who are not experts about Lead) to dismiss any of their concerns (as being “just their OCD”). Each person should honor their unique situation (your kids could have been poisoned from a past exposure; they could be mouthy kids), and, as a community, the most respectful thing to do is to offer these people legitimate knowledge, real information.

If you are offering coaching to a mama with OCD who is new to the issue, simply inferring something is “safe” because you feel that way about it for your family isn’t useful; instead share science-based factual evidence with her to explain why it is safe — or reserve your comment, and let someone with more specific knowledge chime in. I’ve watched so often as parents suffering from OCD ask for help with true active Lead hazards — only to have those concerns simply dismissed by others (in comment threads within social media communities — with people commenting who are not experts in dealing with Lead hazards), simply because the original poster presented (or was labelled as) having “OCD”. People need to understand that being dismissive of another family’s potentially real Lead hazards (in an effort to “calm that person down”) is dangerous behavior — that could result in the poisoning of a child.

Personally, I have found that only verifiable, objective facts can really dislodge/reroute the train tracks (lines of association) my mind has set when managing my OCD. If you are helping someone who has concerns for Lead who also has OCD, try to offer them tools to help them learn if something is an active Lead-releasing hazard or not [e.g. they may realize it is perfectly safe to walk on their entryway tiles (that may be Leaded) — but should take care not to demolish them during a remodel!] Or to continue that example, maybe they have old, visibly deteriorated tiles…in which case they should have them tested, and temporarily covered appropriately, until they develop an action plan for dealing with the hazard, if they are confirmed to be Leaded.

Offering others factual, science-based information about Lead concerns (whether or not they suffer from OCD) gives them a basis for making safer choices for their families moving forward – and also for noticing when a concern may be “just OCD” or a legitimate Lead hazard.

Edited by Len Rubin